Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Aspeak || "Non negotiable?"


Begin forwarded message:

From: Karen Kahn <karenkahn@ymail.com>
Date: August 26, 2012 4:21:07 PM EDT
To: PowersThatBeat 
Subject: Re: Aspeak

My Dear Elyssa,

You continually amaze me with your keen insights into not only your behavior, but my behavior as well. You are right on target with your reactions to situations and what you need to do to cope. I don't know anyone, including myself, who is so inciteful as to what makes them tick.

I am totally committed to starting our relationship over again and addressing all that went wrong between us in the past and working to correct our way of communicating. I am a firm believer that two intelligent, articulate and capable people like ourselves can respect each other's differences and come to accept each other. Certainly we will have times of difficulty, but let's vow to work hard to keep the lines of communication open.

I love you with all my heart Elyssa, and I want you to make a good future for yourself. I will do what I can to provide some material things, but in the end it is you who will be making choices and judgements as to how to live your life. You have done hard things in the past and can face the future with the strength and wealth of experience you have gained over the years.

Again, I look forward to having you in my life.


Sent from my iPad

On Aug 25, 2012, at 6:58 PM, PowersThatBeat <powersthatbeat@gmail.com> wrote:

I fully understand and I appreciate your  direct and thoughtful way of communicating this to me.

I know I tend to babble especially when I am excited or anxious.

When I can't communicate effectively I get very frustrated which only makes the situation worse.

When I feel like I am not being heard, I  have what's often referred to as "aspie rage" or a "meltdown"

Even though I have fits of rage, I generally feel much better afterwards and quickly normalize when I am allowed to "stim" (basically for me that means pacing and tweeting or microblogging which is a very tactile and robotic movement that soothes me)

I will send you more info like the post I sent you on anger as the issues come up and will try to communicate with you clearly and effectively.

The feedback you gave me over the phone was good since I now know how to tailor the information in a format that is most effective for YOUR NT (neuro-typical) mind.

I will do my best not to overwhelm you with complex details.

Thank you for taking the time to write this and for reading the article I sent you on Aspergers and Anger.

I will look through my website and try to pick out similar articles for you to keep on hand so we can learn to communicate effectively and coexist peacefully during this transition and stressful time.

Thanks, and please confirm receipt so I know this has been received.

Also, please call me when you get back with the Amazon gift card info so I can use my prime membership to order the items we discussed.

Hasta l'bye bye!



On Aug 25, 2012, at 2:57 PM, Karen Kahn <karenkahn@ymail.com> wrote:

Dear Elyssa,

First I want to tell you how much I love to talk to you and hear your interesting ideas. I also see how your rapid cycling escalates and explodes with the increase of your stress level. There is no question that the next several weeks will be some of the most stressful of your life. Anyone would be overwhelmingly anxious and frightened if they were going through what you are. As you said, moving is at the top of the list of stressors. In addition, you are dealing with a terrible and hostile environmental
situation that is horribly threatening to your mental and physical well being. I get all that Elyssa, and I wish I could do more to alleviate your pain. On the other hand, I am racing against the clock to get everything together and have your arrival here go as seamlessly as possible. This requires a great deal of my time and attention. I also have to get to many meetings with the realtor, inspector, contractor, handyman and bank to get things done properly so that nothing goes wrong.

I am asking you to be cognizant of the fact that when I need to get off the phone with you, it is not a rejection. It's because I am on a schedule with many things that need to be done.

From now on, I am going to say just once that I have to go and then I will hang up. Believe me, I wish I had time to give you all my attention. I hope this won't cause you to feel that I am arbitrarily cutting you off.  Please try to understand that when I say I must go, then it's something I must do right away. We will be able to reconnect later in the day.

Again, this is by no means a rejection. I like to give you 100% of my attention when I am able. You deserve to be heard. I think you'll agree that we both need to respect each other's time.

I love you and eagerly await your arrival and re-entry into my life.


Sent from my iPad

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