What are Symptoms of High Level Autism?
wisegeek.comI've been recently diagnosed with AS. My parents see it, relatives see it, but I have two friends I've known for 11 years who simply don't see it, because I'm sociable, pick up on social cues, have no problem with empathy or sympathy. If anything, I have too much empathy. That might be a symptom just for me.
As far as coordination goes, I've always been just the opposite: physically graceful. My symptoms today are the following: being odd when in group conversation by changing the subject rather surprisingly, saying what I'm told is "inappropriate speech": I'm bitter about certain specific aspects of my life and as a result, half or most of the time I state what's on my mind instead of keeping my mouth shut! (Uum, listen to Joy Behar on The View. She is much more outspoken than me!)
I'm obsessive when someone says something really hurtful and I obsess about it mentally more than the next person and sometimes lash back! I would like to control the urge to lash back the same way.
Shyness and a good bit of solitude was prevalent in my childhood. Being overly sensitive still is. I have a poorer short term memory than others who do not have AS. I hated being shy as a child and found a way out of it. (FYI: was an only child)
I also have depression (on Wellbutrin), petit mal seizures (on Lamictal for that) but without epilepsy. So far in my life I've only been able to keep a few jobs. The ones I was able to keep I was laid off from and I left one because of certain health problems and another because they more or less wanted me out of there. I was really no longer needed.
I have often been told I'm too slow for fast paced jobs. I'm a one at a time tasker instead of a multi tasker. The silver lining for all of this is that its stabilizes in adulthood so I feel better about it.
I also am a low income wage earner because all of my job skills are low income wage earning. Even manicuring and pedicuring is as well low paying. I wanted to go back to school for this to financially better myself so I can be independent from the parents, however, LA State Vocational Rehab said no to that, so here I am, applying for Social Security, trying not to be angry, sad and sullen at AS, life, sometimes even God Himself.
Way back in 1988 and in 1994 I was raped. The first time it was by two strangers. The second time it was by my own boyfriend! I read AS people tend to trust too much and are gullible so we are targets for those with bad intentions. At the same time, what I went through is still not my fault.
My problems with dating in the past haven't been really good nor really bad. I've made both good choices and bad choices. Having self-esteem issues doesn't help either. My second to last boyfriend, well, was one of the poorest choices I've ever made in my whole dating life. Despite birth control pills, in 2002 I became pregnant, got laid off, had to tell my parents. They were not happy at all, rather heartbroken.
I turned over and over in my head all my options while talking to the guy, and while he didn't like at all the adoption option, he saw it as a way to keep it from his entire family. I went ahead with the adoption. I encouraged him to take part but he didn't want to at all. I had a son, seven weeks premature yet O.K. --he was just early and skinny. I'm still struggling, trying to feel whole again.
I've accepted the two rapes as part of my past. I don't see myself as a rape victim but a rape survivor.
Just to keep this all in balance, I do like myself, and I know I'm not worthless nor have I totally lost hope. It's a damn good thing I am not from a very broken and/or very dysfunctional home. I'm very grateful for that. My talents lie in music and some arts (good with my hands).
I find my singing to be my own natural high so I am in my church's choir. I'm great at spelling, vocabulary and grammar. I love to read. Now that I've blown off some steam here, good night, all.
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